ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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