Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
