You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
