i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
