3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize