At least make sure they are 18
Why
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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