dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
