but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
