Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
