Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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