First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
