I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
