So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize