sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
