I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
