A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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