You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
