i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
