what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
