my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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