Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize