oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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