I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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