it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My cat gives me a boner
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
