hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
