My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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