If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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