After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
