its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
