im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
