Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
