All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize