so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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