i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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