we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
