That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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