and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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