Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
