aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He shit in the fireplace
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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