Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
