I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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