i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
