We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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