Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
