Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
