Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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