Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
