Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
