youre lurking in front of me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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