There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize