I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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