Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Randomize
