I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
