I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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