when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Come see our sink grown plant.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
