This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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