i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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