I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
