i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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