just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
