dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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