I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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