I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
