You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
