haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
