the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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