I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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