the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
