Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
