you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize