I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
