I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
