Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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