My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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