These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
