went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
