When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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