So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
