The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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