I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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