I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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