just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
