my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
