Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
