you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize