Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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