Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize