Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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