If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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