I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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