xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize