the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
