It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
