Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
