Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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