This dress was meant to end up on your floor
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize