the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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