So drunk its hurt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
