Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize