went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
