You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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