I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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