mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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