I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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