so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
