my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
