just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
