i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
