I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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