Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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